Sign In
Register
Help
The Original Brotherhood of Assassins
| League: | STA Gold |
| Date: | 2007-07-09 |
| Winning Team: | The Original Brotherhood of Assassins |
| Losing Team: | the ADLers |
| Map 1: | Epicenter (110-50) |
| Map 2: | Epicenter (160-50) |
| Match Type: | Regular |
| Writeup: | This is the story of a man, nay, an icon, named Lynx. The day begins as any other normal monday morning. Our main character eats breakfast, rubs one out in the shower, slips on his overalls and hard hat, grabs his wrench, and heads to work. The day was lined up to be one of observing from afar, hardly taking part in the fray. How little did he know what the day would truly hold... Lynx refreshes BoA's server from his iphone in the kitchen so he doesn't have to leave the friendly confines of his homely refrigerator. He checks the amount of players... his heart sinks. BoA is short a player; he may be called upon to play. It's a worst nightmare come true. He hasn't played since his SMP days, where he used dirty tactics to overcome his clan's overall lack of talent. It doesn't matter, he made a pact with his buffet brother hershey that he would show when called upon. He joins the server with not the most optimistic expectations for this match. The three-man offense used in practice overpowers the 7 defenders BoA was using. It's a sad sight, and he knows their only chance of victory is if their opponent forfeits or if hershey loses 150 pounds. ROUND 1 The round starts quickly. One of the soldiers primed a nade to go off just as prematch ended, killing or wounding all but 3 BoA players. When xdog is accused of this act, he can only utter a soft wookie purr, acknowledging his guilt. Apparently bunnyhopping isn't practiced in the ADL leagues, and our main character repeatedly checks his watch waiting for the opposing offense. Triplets of minutes pass, and our hero has still yet to see the enemy. He can only hear the roar of a wookie and the screams of dying tards in the distance. The round ends as quickly as it started, with BoA up 110-50. INTERMISSION Lynx takes a few snack breaks, rubs another one out (while eating), and prepares for what looks to be the final round. ROUND 2 Lynx returns to the server, trying to fight the urge to think BoA will actually win. In BoA, dreams are only shattered, never fulfilled. The lineup is kept the same, however the matchplay takes a strange turn. Amidst azul's belligerent cursing, he hears the faint call of what appears to be a communication that .adl is sending 5-7 offense. They cap quickly, and not even hershey's mountain-esque body of lard and McNuggets can block their entrance to the apc. Suddenly Lynx feels a growing rumble shaking the house. An earthquake? At this hour? In Africa? It doesn't add up. He realizes it isn't an earthquake of geolical standards, merely an earthquake in his bowel system. He has to poop, and he has to poop now. He goes to grab his bedpan, only to discover he still hasn't dumped it out from the beating it took 15 minutes ago. What caused this sudden urge to push his guts through his gaping anus? Was it the dozen oysters? The five McRibs? Perhaps it was the fourteen ground beef cha! lupas. Lynx dashes to the bathtub, jumps in, and creates a home-made mudbath. He lies in his stool with a face of complete content. Fortunately his offense is capping steadily, so there is little worry of a comeback.The round ends in cheers and orgasms. BoA has won the round, and more importantly, the match. BoA 160-50. BoA 270 .adl 100 gg |
